Monday, August 15, 2011

Frequently Asked Question 1: Do you plan on having any more children "of your own"?

To say we've gotten a TON of questions since we started pursing this adoption would be an understatement. I just thought maybe it would be a good idea to address them here. However, the questions require more than a one word answer, so I'll just plan on doing a different post for each of them.

Probably one of the most common responses we get is this:

Question: Do you plan on having any more children "of your own"?

Answer: Before I give an answer, I'm going to address the question itself first.

I know that no one has ill intentions when asking this question, but it can be hurtful to the children and parents in an adoptive family when people use the phrase "your own children." You see, by using those words you are implying that children who are adopted into a family are somehow LESS of a part of that family than those who were born into the family biologically. The truth is, our children who we will adopt from Uganda will be just as much our children as is our precious Ainsley!

The word "adopted" is not an adjective. It is not a word used to describe a member of the family, i.e. "This is Mrs.Smith's daughter Emily and this is her adopted son, Michael."

Instead it is a verb, and it is used to describe how someone came to be a part of a family, IF for some reason it comes up in a conversation, i.e. "These are Mrs. Smith's children Emily and Michael. Emily was born to Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Michael WAS adopted." In the imaginary Smith family I've created here, Michael is just as much a child of Mr. and Mrs. Smith as Emily is, they just came into the family by different means.

This may seem like silly verbiage to many, but to the child and his/her parents, this can be huge. Unintentionally, when saying this, people are devaluing the relationship established through adoption.

Our adoption of these children is meant to be a reflection of our adoption into the family of God. The Bible says that those who have accepted Christ have been adopted into the family of God and made children of God. It also says that since we are children, we are joint-heirs with Jesus to the throne of God. Therefore, if God is placing us on a level playing field with Jesus, surely we should do the same when talking about children who were brought into a family biologically and through adoption.

A great way to ask this would be: "Do you plan to have anymore biological children?"

The ANSWER to this question is: Sure! If God blesses us with another pregnancy we will be incredibly excited! We have been very blessed in the fact that, thus far, we have never had any problems with infertility, that we know of. For us adoption is NOT a "plan B." We are passionate about the value of life and of children and that our God cherishes every child and they are each precious to Him. Because of that, we will welcome any child into our family with joy, no matter how they come to us. We don't "plan" pregnancy in our family and we certainly don't avoid it medicinally. If you want to read an awesome post that reflects exactly why we have taken that stand in our marriage read this awesome post by Sharon Hodde.

"the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God. Now if we are children, we are heirs- heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ..."
Romans 8:15-16

I hope you are all having an awesome Monday! I'll post another FAQ later this week!


1 comment:

Diana Humphrey said...

I loved all of this! I couldn't be happier for your amazing family!! Love you guys so much!