Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sometimes....

I'm such a fruitcake... seriously... just ask my husband... I'm seriously an emotional mess sometimes.

Can I just tell you... 6 months ago I said I think EVERY.SINGLE.PROFESSING.CHRISTIAN needs to adopt.... I know now that that is not totally true. I do know, because of what the Bible says that every.single.professing.christian.NEEDS TO BE A PART OF ORPHAN CARE... but I can tell you one thing... not everyone is cut out for this adoption stuff... this past week I have wondered if I am.

I have NEVER in my life felt such a roller-coaster of emotions.

Sometimes I feel so excited I seriously think my heart might beat out of my chest.

Sometimes I feel so emotional that I just burst into tears.

Sometimes I MISS these 2 kiddos so bad I can't stand it. How is it you can miss someone you've never met? I have no idea, but you can.

Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with working, mommy-ing, wife-ing, friend-ing, home managing, that I think I must be CRAZY to be seeking out 2 more kiddos... to be a mommy to 3 kiddos under 3!

Sometimes I'm so exausted all I want to do is sleep.

Sometimes I'm SO happy for other families in the journey that I literally jump up and down!

Sometimes I'm jealous of others further in their journeys.

Sometimes I questions God.

Sometimes, ok oftentimes, I am so aware with His love for me and His love for orphans that it's palpable.

Sometimes I feel like us adopting 2 kiddos isn't even a drop in the bucket when considering that there are 147 million orphans in the world.

Sometimes I want to fill our home with like 20 former-orphans, like NOW.

Sometimes I'm scared of what is to come... What if our kids are sick? What if our kids don't bond with eachother? What if they don't bond with us? What if they grow up to hate us? What if we don't come up with the money to do this? What if we have to wait 10 years for a referral? What if, what if, what if?


But there's a bigger what if?

What if God's word is true?

What if God always keeps His promises?

What if God really did call us to this journey?

What if God is as good as He says He is, and is as kind as He has shown Himself to be?

What if God really does love us?

What if God really does love orphans?


"...may the righteous be glad
    and rejoice before God;
may they be happy and joyful.
Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds;
rejoice before him—his name is the LORD.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families..."
Psalm 68:3-6



So today, I'm going to sing.... I'm going to sing to the One who has all the answers, to the One who holds my wrecked heart, the One who holds our children, both here and in Uganda, to the One who is writing this story.... One day at a time....


3 comments:

The Eanes Family said...

love this post and your heart, praying for y'all.

Ashlee said...

It is such a roller coaster of emotions...very similar to pregnancy :)

The Splendiferous Life said...

Love this post, this is exactly what I have been feeling...thank you for sharing.